Toileting: The Montessori Way
Alison Petersen • January 23, 2024

The toilet learning process for young children takes time but doesn't have to feel daunting. Here are some key aspects of toileting the Montessori way.

As parents we quickly learn that children have control over three things: eating, sleeping and toileting. Rather than engage in power struggles, however, we can help children develop the skills they need to manage and gain mastery over these essential aspects of life .


In Montessori learning communities, young children learn how to prepare snack, fall asleep with assistance, and dress themselves. In addition, they learn how to control their sphincter and stay dry. This process, which we call "toilet learning" or "toilet awareness" takes time, yet it is a vital part of becoming independent.


Because we are helping children with an important aspect of their independence, we try to avoid the terminology "toilet training." After all, we aren't training our children like we might train a dog! Rather we are helping children feel the success of becoming fully independent as they become masters of their own functions.


The process takes time but doesn't have to feel daunting. Here are some key aspects of toileting the Montessori way.


Establish Body Awareness


Toilet awareness starts at birth. From the earliest day of life, we talk to our infants about what is happening as we change their diapers. We might say "Your diaper is wet from urine," or "I am wiping your poop off your bottom."


To help our infants become aware of being wet or soiled, it's best to use cloth diapers. Disposable diapers are very effective and wicking away moisture, which leads to children not connecting the act of eliminating pee with the feeling of being wet. As children shift into toddlerhood, they can begin to wear cloth underwear.


Useful phrases:

  • "Does your diaper feel wet or dry? Is there poop in your diaper?"
  • "Your underpants feel so heavy! You must have had a lot of pee come out."


Collaborate


When a child is wet, we help them to the bathroom and collaborate with changing out of their wet underwear. We allow them to sit on hte toilet to see if any urine is left that can be pushed or released into the toilet. Then once they have on dry underwear, they return to their activity.


Children need to be involved in the toileting and changing process. They can assist in getting the clean underwear or diaper and putting any soiled items in their appropriate place. This gives children the feeling of some power or control in what is happening.


Useful phrases:

  • "You can hold your shirt up while I pull down your pants."
  • "You can open the Velcro on this side of your diaper and I'll open the Velcro on that side."
  • "I'll have a turn to wipe your bottom and then you can have a turn."


No Tricks or Treats


We offer the toilet, but we never force children to sit on the toilet. We also avoid asking children if they would like to sit on the toilet. There is a happy middle in which we suggest that they sit on the toilet or let them know it is time to sit on the toilet. Ultimately, we trust that children will incorporate this part of daily life into their routine. Young children love the consistency of routines, so we ensure, from the very beginning, that toileting is a regular part of the day .


Bribing, reward charts and punishments may have short-term results, but do not work for the long-term goal of helping children develop independence, self-assurance, and mastery of this essential part of their humanity. We allow children the time to be successful. Rather than scolding or over-congratulation, we know that children will learn through experience and feel proud of their accomplishments.


Useful phrases:

  • "It's time to sit on the toilet."
  • "You peed in the toilet. You did it all by yourself."


Respect the Process


Often when adults change children it is all done so quickly that children aren't aware of their bodily functions. Rather than rushing, we take time to explain what is happening and offer opportunities for collaboration.


It's showing the utmost respect to children when we help them learn how to do something for themselves. When children able to respond to their body's needs, they are one step to closer to being fully functioning, independent young people.



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One of the many beautiful and empowering aspects of Montessori education is how it helps children understand themselves as valued members of a community. A key way this happens is through Care of the Environment, a form of Practical Life work that provides children with the opportunity to tend to the spaces they live in each day. By participating in this care, children begin to feel at home in their classroom, school, and community. They feel a sense of ownership and take pride in their surroundings, and in the process, develop a deep sense of responsibility and connection. The Outdoor Environment When considering the children’s environment, we're not just referring to indoor spaces. In Montessori, the outdoor environment is not an afterthought. Instead, we consider the outdoors to be a natural and essential extension of the prepared indoor space. For young children, who are absorbing everything from the world around them, the time spent outdoors supports development in profound and lasting ways. For older children and adolescents, outdoor spaces can be a place for self-regulation and deep focus. Now more than ever, when children tend to spend increasing amounts of time indoors, reconnecting with natural spaces is vital for physical, emotional, and cognitive health. Why Being Outdoors Matters Research, including the work of Richard Louv in The Last Child in the Woods, highlights a growing body of evidence that time spent in nature is critical to the healthy development of both children and adults. In Montessori, we recognize that outdoor time is not a break from learning. Rather, the natural world is a powerful space for movement, language, social development, and sensory integration. Time outdoors is learning time. Young children are in the midst of sensitive periods for order, language, movement, and sensory refinement. These windows of opportunity allow for an intense connection with nature that nourishes the whole child. Plus, the natural world’s beauty, order, and rhythm speak to our deepest human tendencies: to explore, understand, and belong. The Adults’ Role Outside Outdoor spaces become a rich environment for observation, guidance, and connection. Children are often more socially expressive outdoors, making this a critical time for observing group dynamics and supporting social-emotional growth. It’s also a time to model joyful, playful behavior. Children need to see that being human includes lightness and laughter, and outdoor time offers the perfect opportunity for us to play alongside children while still maintaining an appropriate level of guidance. We can also help children understand that different environments call for different behaviors. What is appropriate outdoors differs from what is expected indoors. As children gain different experiences, they come to understand how to conduct themselves with grace and courtesy on a woodland trail and a garden bed, or how to navigate the intricacies of fort building and group game dynamics. Montessori children learn to move through different scenes and scenarios with increasing awareness, sensitivity, and confidence. Setting Up Outdoor Spaces We want our outdoor spaces to feel like a true extension of our classrooms, not a break from them. As such, we are intentional about how the outdoor spaces are developmentally appropriate, deepen children’s understanding of cause and effect, and nurture a sense of order. We want activities in the outdoor space to have a purposeful intent so they support the integration of children’s will, intellect, and coordinated movement. At home, outdoor activities can provide open-ended play opportunities that encourage exploration and independence, as well as ways to involve children in purposeful projects. Here are some ideas to get started! Practical Life Provide tools for cleaning tasks: sweeping paths, washing outdoor furniture, scrubbing flower pots, washing the car, and wiping off outdoor toys. Encourage gardening: planting seeds, watering, weeding, harvesting herbs or vegetables. Offer animal care opportunities: refilling bird feeders, walking the dog, playing fetch. Sensorial Exploration Include sensory gardens with fragrant herbs, soft leaves, and vibrant flowers—like lavender, mint, and lamb’s ear—that invite children to touch, smell, and observe. Create a collection space for sticks, stones, pinecones, shells, and seed pods. Observation and Nature Study Set up bird feeders, weather tools, and insect hotels. Create small areas for quiet observation with a bench, blanket, or hammock. Add sensory elements like wind chimes or water features to create a calming atmosphere. Curricular Connections Math: count petals, measure plant growth, sort leaves by size and shape. Science: Tools like magnifying glasses and microscopes help them explore soil, insects, and plant life up close. Composting systems, rainwater collection, or native plantings foster environmental stewardship. Art: Natural materials become mediums for creativity, such as twigs for weaving, leaves for prints, and landscapes for sketching. Language: Storytelling, reading under a tree, or labeling plants and garden tools strengthens vocabulary and communication while keeping learning grounded in the real world. Observe and Adapt As with all prepared environments, the key is observation. What captures our children’s curiosity? Where are they returning again and again? What challenges are they facing? By observing carefully, we can adjust to our children’s needs and interests. A prepared environment supports the whole child and helps them feel connected, not just to the earth, but to themselves and their community.