Toileting: The Montessori Way
Alison Petersen • January 23, 2024

The toilet learning process for young children takes time but doesn't have to feel daunting. Here are some key aspects of toileting the Montessori way.

As parents we quickly learn that children have control over three things: eating, sleeping and toileting. Rather than engage in power struggles, however, we can help children develop the skills they need to manage and gain mastery over these essential aspects of life .


In Montessori learning communities, young children learn how to prepare snack, fall asleep with assistance, and dress themselves. In addition, they learn how to control their sphincter and stay dry. This process, which we call "toilet learning" or "toilet awareness" takes time, yet it is a vital part of becoming independent.


Because we are helping children with an important aspect of their independence, we try to avoid the terminology "toilet training." After all, we aren't training our children like we might train a dog! Rather we are helping children feel the success of becoming fully independent as they become masters of their own functions.


The process takes time but doesn't have to feel daunting. Here are some key aspects of toileting the Montessori way.


Establish Body Awareness


Toilet awareness starts at birth. From the earliest day of life, we talk to our infants about what is happening as we change their diapers. We might say "Your diaper is wet from urine," or "I am wiping your poop off your bottom."


To help our infants become aware of being wet or soiled, it's best to use cloth diapers. Disposable diapers are very effective and wicking away moisture, which leads to children not connecting the act of eliminating pee with the feeling of being wet. As children shift into toddlerhood, they can begin to wear cloth underwear.


Useful phrases:

  • "Does your diaper feel wet or dry? Is there poop in your diaper?"
  • "Your underpants feel so heavy! You must have had a lot of pee come out."


Collaborate


When a child is wet, we help them to the bathroom and collaborate with changing out of their wet underwear. We allow them to sit on hte toilet to see if any urine is left that can be pushed or released into the toilet. Then once they have on dry underwear, they return to their activity.


Children need to be involved in the toileting and changing process. They can assist in getting the clean underwear or diaper and putting any soiled items in their appropriate place. This gives children the feeling of some power or control in what is happening.


Useful phrases:

  • "You can hold your shirt up while I pull down your pants."
  • "You can open the Velcro on this side of your diaper and I'll open the Velcro on that side."
  • "I'll have a turn to wipe your bottom and then you can have a turn."


No Tricks or Treats


We offer the toilet, but we never force children to sit on the toilet. We also avoid asking children if they would like to sit on the toilet. There is a happy middle in which we suggest that they sit on the toilet or let them know it is time to sit on the toilet. Ultimately, we trust that children will incorporate this part of daily life into their routine. Young children love the consistency of routines, so we ensure, from the very beginning, that toileting is a regular part of the day .


Bribing, reward charts and punishments may have short-term results, but do not work for the long-term goal of helping children develop independence, self-assurance, and mastery of this essential part of their humanity. We allow children the time to be successful. Rather than scolding or over-congratulation, we know that children will learn through experience and feel proud of their accomplishments.


Useful phrases:

  • "It's time to sit on the toilet."
  • "You peed in the toilet. You did it all by yourself."


Respect the Process


Often when adults change children it is all done so quickly that children aren't aware of their bodily functions. Rather than rushing, we take time to explain what is happening and offer opportunities for collaboration.


It's showing the utmost respect to children when we help them learn how to do something for themselves. When children able to respond to their body's needs, they are one step to closer to being fully functioning, independent young people.



Why Is a Parent School Partnership So Important in Montessori?

By Alison Petersen • April 24, 2025
Montessori education is not just about the classroom; it extends to the home environment and relies heavily on collaboration between parents and teachers to create a harmonious and effective learning experience for the child. Here are several reasons why a parent-school partnership is so important in Montessori education: Consistency in Approach One of the fundamental principles of Montessori education is consistency in the approach to child development. When parents and teachers work together, they can ensure that the child receives consistent guidance, expectations, and values both at home and in the classroom. This consistency promotes a sense of security and stability for the child, making it easier for them to adapt to the Montessori method. Understanding and Support Parents who are actively involved in their child's Montessori education gain a deeper understanding of the method and its principles. This understanding enables them to provide better support at home, reinforcing the concepts and values learned in the classroom. When parents and teachers share a common understanding of the child's development, they can work together to address any challenges or specific needs that may arise. Reinforcing Independence Montessori education places a strong emphasis on fostering independence in children. When parents and teachers collaborate, they can reinforce this independence by encouraging the child to take ownership of their learning and daily routines. Parents can create a Montessori-friendly environment at home, while teachers can provide guidance on age-appropriate tasks and activities. Individualized Learning Montessori classrooms prioritize individualized learning experiences tailored to each child's unique needs and interests. When parents are actively involved, they can provide valuable insights into their child's personality, learning style, and preferences. This information helps teachers design personalized learning plans that maximize the child's potential. Extended Learning Opportunities Learning doesn't stop when the child leaves the classroom. Parents can continue the Montessori experience at home by engagning in activities that align with Montessori principles. This extension of learning beyond school hours enhances the child's educational journey and reinforces the importance of learning as a lifelong endeavor. Children thrive when home and school work in harmony!

How Can Parents Support Montessori Principles at Home?

By Alison Petersen • March 25, 2025
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